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  • PAO Cancels 2017 Division Commander Pin-Up Calendar

    by Noah Ward Alexandria, Virginia In a surprise decision earlier today, the Army Public Affairs Office announced that it would not be publishing the 2017 edition of its long-running Division Commander Pin-Up Calendar. “It is of vital importance that our Army reflect the values of the society we protect,” said Brigadier General Malcom Frost, Chief […]

  • In a Vote of 1 to 0, Mattis Confirms Himself at Senate Armed Services Committee

    In a Vote of 1 to 0, Mattis Confirms Himself at Senate Armed Services Committee by Hugh Jashol In a special session of the Senate Armed Services Committee, President-Elect Trump’s nominee for Secretary of Defense, Retired Marine Corps General James Mattis heard testimony on whether he would confirm himself. The hearing was generally expected to […]

  • CENTCOM Wargame Accidentally Turns Into Dungeons & Dragons Session

    by Noah Ward (MacDill Air Force Base, Florida) High-ranking officers at CENTCOM were shocked to learn that their 18-hour long enemy analysis section of their Military Decision-Making Process brief had actually been a protracted game of Dungeons and Dragons, the 1974 roleplaying game created by Gary Gygax. “Let me assure you, this is not something […]

  • Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl Recognized By President As “Most Deployed Soldier,” Promoted To Staff Sergeant

    By Hugh Jashol Article 107 News has learned that in a quiet Rose Garden ceremony held in the waning days of his presidency, President Barack Obama officially recognized US Army Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl as America’s “Most Deployed Soldier.”  He also presented Bergdahl with long-overdue Purple Heart and Prisoner of War medals, and promoted the young […]

  • American Tacticool Council Releases 2017 Fashion Guidelines

    By Paul J. O’Leary COLUMBUS, GA – The end of the holiday season means a lot of things: gyms are full, the kids are back in school, and Obama is off golfing somewhere. But for the lovers of combat chic, January means something far more important: the New Year’s Tacticool fashion guidelines! Speaking at a […]

  • SpecOps New Year’s Eve “Bubble Party” With Hooters Girls Goes Terribly, Horribly, Wrong

    by Hugh Jashol A New Year’s Eve SpecOps “bubble party” hosted by the 160th Special Operations Aviation Regiment in Savannah, Georgia went horribly wrong, a newly-released report states, with eight pilots, four crew members, three Hooters girls and (rather inexplicably) a penguin ending up in local area hospitals… or worse. A Freedom of Information Act […]

  • Pentagon Issues Shocking Poncho Liner Recall; Well-Loved “Woobie” Now Banned

    By Hugh Jashol (The Pentagon, 1 January 2017) In a dramatic revelation that is sure to rock active duty military and veteran communities all over the world, the Pentagon quietly released guidance that directs Central Issue Facilities across all US military activities to recall the “poncho liner,” a stuffing-filled nylon blanket which is perhaps the most popular […]

  • In Shrewd 11th-Hour Political Move, Obama Nominates Himself To Supreme Court

    (Washington, DC) by Noah Ward Citing historical precedent and the need to fill the seat vacated by the late Antonin Scalia, President Obama announced today that he was nominating himself for the United States Supreme Court. “Elections have consequences,” the President told assembled reporters at the Rose Garden earlier this morning. “And in this case, […]

  • Pentagon Reports Thousands of ISIS Casualties After Aleppo-Focused Social Media Blitz

    by Noah Ward _____ Arlington, Virginia (December 15, 2016) Department of Defense officials revealed this morning that followers of the Islamic State, commonly known as ISIS, are in full retreat after coming under fire from a social media campaign of unprecedented size. “Satellite imagery and our intelligence operatives on the ground confirm that ISIS has […]

  • “Homeless Man” Kicked Out Of Special Forces Barracks Was Actually… A Special Forces Soldier

    “Homeless Man” Kicked Out Of Special Forces Barracks Was Actually… A Special Forces Soldier by Hugh Jashol _____ (Fort Bragg, NC)  Veteran-themed blogs across the country have been blowing up recently with news about a homeless man who had somehow managed to live, undetected, in the barracks of the 3rd Special Forces Group for more […]